A man once said, “If you’re not being fair to yourself, how can you be fair to others?” I believe that this is a statement that every woman (and man)should early on in dating to help keep a healthy balance in their lives.
After all, others can only see what we don’t want others to see – what is hidden from sight. And, of course, if we don’t show enough respect for ourselves, there really is no reason anyone else should have for much, either.
But there is no need to be overly fair to yourself. What a person thinks of themself is, really, the most important thing of their life. Sometimes it is important to keep some space open for a little while in order to keep your feelings stable. Studies have indicated that, if we are habitually secretive about our intentions, we will experience a decline in our overall health as well as in other areas of our lives. Quite simply, too much “fairness” can be a cause of problems.
Now, if you are being fair to yourself, and everything is as it should be – and you are still not having a great relationship – shouldn’t it be up to you to make the necessary changes and find some true love?
What a person sees in others can also be viewed as “illness” in themselves. Though others may not be able to specifically see what is happening to them, we are all more responsible for how we treat ourselves if we know that others are viewing us the way we wish they did.
So, if you have found yourself being unfair to yourself, you have two options. First, you can (frequently) simply give up on yourself and take responsibility for what YOU think and feel. Or, try to be fair to yourself as well, and make the necessary changes.
Either way: keep your heart open. Love yourself madly, at least, as often as you do, and work carefully on changing whatever needs to be changed.
And, if you have found yourself making necessary changes, but the changes aren’t being received well, simply make more changes. The more changes you are making, the more you will begin to see what you like and don’t like about yourself. If you don’t feel like a new person is born – a whole different person – maybe you have to consider what caused you to become who you are, in the first place. If you weren’t being genuine or honest about yourself, you may have to take a look in the mirror. Or, consider those essential changes you are making.
Finally, in the end, each person is fully responsible for their own feelings, and the choices and reactions that are their own. While it may be difficult, and at times feel impossible, to be fair to others, you can do that to yourself as well. And, each person is ultimately responsible for their own thoughts, feelings, and actions. And while nobody can make another person self-aware and present their true selves, or bring up past hurts to present ones; we can all work on ourselves, and strive to be fair, empathic, and loving of others.
“Love, one of the greatest commandments, hate…”
On a Facebook profile by a friend, I stumbled upon this gem of wisdom:
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